i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I would fuck him just for his dog
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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