so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize