Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
