She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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