I bet he comes in French.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
