Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The best revenge is premature balding
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
