just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
