Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
They have beer where we have blood.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
