sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
