She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
