Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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