I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
