the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
