someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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