This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
