guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
