Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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