..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You were trust falling into bushes
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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