oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
