need another drink. this is the easiest way
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
