you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
