Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
