I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
