Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
