he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
