you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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