she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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