shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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