Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize