Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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