At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
