no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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