I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
