she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
