its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
