please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
