Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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