scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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