I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
