cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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