in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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