you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
