I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
