1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
