What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
