I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
no you cant smoke seaweed
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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