my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
