I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
