So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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