I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
