i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize