I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
