You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
