Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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