I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
