4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
