Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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