I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
