I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
