we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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