is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
