Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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