and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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