I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
