I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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