Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
