just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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