I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
