you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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