I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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