I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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