I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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