im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
