im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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