Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
